I sleep with my ex every time we hang out together
Dear Coleen
I was with my boyfriend for three years, but we broke up earlier this year. The break-up was his idea, but it was quite amicable and we still speak pretty often, if not every day.
Recently we began hanging out again as friends and he started staying over at my house afterwards.
He sleeps in my bed with me, just like when we dated, and it always ends up with us having s3x.
I fully understand that we are not together any more – in fact, we are both interested in other people – but when we have s3x we still speak very intimately with each other. My ex is especially loving, which is confusing.
I don’t know what it means – does he still have feelings for me? Should I suggest we give it another go?
I still have feelings for him, but I guess that’s normal as we were together for a few years. You can’t just turn love off, can you?
Another issue I struggle with is that my friends think I should hide my relationship with my ex from potential new boyfriends, as they wouldn’t be accepting of that. But I don’t want to start a new relationship off with a lie, which I would be if I told them I was just friends with my ex because there is more going on. What should I do?
Coleen says
I think your friends are right – you can’t carry on sleeping with your ex and hide it from someone you’re dating. The only way to do that is to say right from the beginning: “I really like you, but I’m not up for an exclusive relationship”.
Then you have to accept that they will be free to sleep with other people, too.
I think your ex is having his cake and eating it. And if you carry on with this arrangement, you’re unlikely to meet anyone else who you’ll get on great with s3xually and have a fulfilling relationship with.
I doubt very much that any girl he dates will be OK with him sleeping with you either! And when he does meet someone else he wants a relationship with, you’ll be the one who feels abandoned, used and hurt.
You need to be upfront with him and ask him if he wants to commit to a new exclusive relationship with you or if it’s just about s3x.
I was with my boyfriend for three years, but we broke up earlier this year. The break-up was his idea, but it was quite amicable and we still speak pretty often, if not every day.
Recently we began hanging out again as friends and he started staying over at my house afterwards.
He sleeps in my bed with me, just like when we dated, and it always ends up with us having s3x.
I fully understand that we are not together any more – in fact, we are both interested in other people – but when we have s3x we still speak very intimately with each other. My ex is especially loving, which is confusing.
I don’t know what it means – does he still have feelings for me? Should I suggest we give it another go?
I still have feelings for him, but I guess that’s normal as we were together for a few years. You can’t just turn love off, can you?
Another issue I struggle with is that my friends think I should hide my relationship with my ex from potential new boyfriends, as they wouldn’t be accepting of that. But I don’t want to start a new relationship off with a lie, which I would be if I told them I was just friends with my ex because there is more going on. What should I do?
Coleen says
I think your friends are right – you can’t carry on sleeping with your ex and hide it from someone you’re dating. The only way to do that is to say right from the beginning: “I really like you, but I’m not up for an exclusive relationship”.
Then you have to accept that they will be free to sleep with other people, too.
I think your ex is having his cake and eating it. And if you carry on with this arrangement, you’re unlikely to meet anyone else who you’ll get on great with s3xually and have a fulfilling relationship with.
I doubt very much that any girl he dates will be OK with him sleeping with you either! And when he does meet someone else he wants a relationship with, you’ll be the one who feels abandoned, used and hurt.
You need to be upfront with him and ask him if he wants to commit to a new exclusive relationship with you or if it’s just about s3x.
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